The Who, What, When, Where & How of the CBD World

First, lets start with the "Who".

That would be me, the Zoo Keeper. I'm normally just in the background of Emerald Zoo giving direction. Poking EZ one direction or the other. Primarily, being a pain in the ass. But due to an unforeseen situation I have the time to contribute to Emerald Zoo. I'm also a prime candidate to dive into the CBD World.

Now let’s think about this… Do I have any scientific expertise to properly explain CBD. Nope! Not a bit. So what do I have? Major fucking pain! Not to mention I have a very clean untarnished body. I have not consumed any cannabis products in five years. Yep, that’s right I’m a perfect lab rat.

I made a personal and professional decision five years ago to get out of the advertising business and get my CDL-B license. Why? Because I wanted to be out running around and driving something big. I had spent 20+ years in the advertising world and well lets just say that both advertising and owning your own business can majorly fuck with your head. So I got out. Started driving a commercial vehicle which requires me to be THC and CBD clean and watched the creative juices in me start to flow again. That’s where I came up with the idea of Emerald Zoo. But that’s another story and I’ll save that for another day.

Prior to my five years of being clean I had my medical card and happily munched away at edibles and slathered on the topicals. I used them for pain management for osteoarthritis in my left hip and both knees. I’m a true believer in micro dosing. I found my way into dosing just enough to dull the pain and just enough so I wasn't "high". I’m a lightweight I will admit. Too much THC and I’m drueling on myself, sitting on the couch, watching stupid sci-fi movies, and unable to utter a single word. If I did force myself to speak it was “Doritos”. I’m truly not a functioning THC consumer.

I had my “red card” or medical card and found that trying to use medical cannabis was difficult. No medical person would give me much help. The internet supplied limited help that I didn’t trust much because I never knew if they were trying to sell me something or just an idiot full of bullshit.

So I was left on my own. I picked out a dispensary that didn’t look like a bunch of stoners were smoking in the back parking lot. The building didn’t have water stained ceilings from the leaky roof or reggae music playing on a shitty boombox. It was a decent dispensary and had a knowledgeable staff. I was able to half-ass navigate through the THC world. I spent several years perfecting my usage. Edibles and topicals were my favorite. Sticking to the higher CBD products and lower THC.

Now I have the opportunity to contribute to Emerald Zoo and I want to dive into the CBD World. CBD products weren’t as accessible five years ago and I’m excited to dive in. I so much want to throw away the prescriptions that I have to use daily to control pain. That’s the primary goal for Emerald Zoo and the crew. We want to clarify the industry and give people like me a little knowledge to make better decisions for their health and well being.

Now comes the "What".

CBD of course. Emerald Zoo has a couple different manufactures of CBD products in-house. We have products from SVG Greens and CannaLogs CBD. No, we’re not getting paid to promote their products. We don’t have any discount codes or links for you. We don’t sell them. It’s the shit we have on hand and that’s what I’m starting with. The products were given to us and EZ has reviewed them either on social media or elsewhere on It’s free shit! I like free shit! I also want it to work. Free shit that works is awesome!

I feel like a kid in a candy shop! Memories of me at five years old, face smashed up against the display case and drooling over the brightly colored wrappers of sugary delight. Rein that shit in, girlfriend! Let’s be logical here. I am an adult and I want to act like one. Let’s start out easy and go with what we know from past experiences. Let’s go with a topical.

We’re going to start with the SVG Greens “1000MG Hemp Pain Relief Rub & Emu Oil”. Upon first application I smell peppermint and feel the texture of the emu oil. Yes, I do know what the texture of emu oil is. Have I told you I’m the poster child for trying anything and everything to suppress the pain both prescribed and over the counter. I should have stock in Walgreens with the amount of shit I’ve bought off their shelves.

The lotion goes on a little wet but rubs in quickly. I might smell a little tea tree oil but I might be wrong. EZ hasn’t bitched about the smell yet so that’s a good sign. He can’t stand anything with peppermint, mint of most kinds, or strong smells like tea tree. So we’re off to a good start.

It’s feeling tingly with a little hot yet cool sensation on the side. Let’s give this awhile to settle in. I’ll take another trip around EZ and see if it passes the smell-o-meter. Other than a “you smell like a candy cane” we’re good to go. That’s much better than the “What the hell is that stench!” I’ve gotten from other things I’ve tried.

Now that I’ve wondered around the Zoo Den, went up and down the stairs a few times I can honestly say this is making my parts and pieces feel better. Has it taken away all the pain? No! But let’s test this out. I want to give it a good girl scout try. I’ll see you in a couple days and report back.

No, I wasn’t a girl scout. I already knew how to camp. Didn’t give a shit about knowing how to sew. And I wasn’t about to go around selling shitty over-priced cookies. I’m sure I just stepped on several toes but bite me.

Be back soon.